Sample Poetry Critiques

Examples of MyStoriesAndPoems' Poetry Critiques

Examine critiques on this page to get an idea of what to expect when you receive poetry critiques from this site...

Original Version Critique Plus
Syllable Count
Critique Analysis

jumping Jenny skipping along
suddenly felt something was wrong
so to the ground she looked real fast
and insect brown she saw move past

a grasshopper it had to be
with gross long legs and pointed knees
"a bug," she thought, "ew gross, oh no!"
liquid it spit like tobacco

extremely scared of bugs was she
a plan was made so quick-uh-ly
she put that insect on a stick
over the grass she gave a flick

it hopped away til out of sight
(so glad was she, it did not bite!)
back to the rope she went with cheer
no longer worried or in fear

Jumping jenny 4
Skipping along 4
Suddenly felt 4
Something was wrong 4
To the ground she 4
Looked real fast an 4
Insect brown she 4
Saw move passed 3
A grasshopper it 5
Had to be with 4
Gross long legs and 4
Pointed knees "Ew 4
Gross, oh no!" 3
"A bug," thought she 4
Liquid it spat 4
Like tobacco 4
Extremely scared 4
Of bugs was she 4
A plan she schemed 4
So quick-uh-ly 4
To put that insect 5
On a stick 3
Over the grass 4
Gave it a flick 4

It hopped away till 5
Out of sight 3
So glad was she it 5
Did not bite! 3

Back to the rope she 5
Went with cheer 3
No longer worried 5
Or in fear 3

Santina, this is a wonderful poem. It tells Jenny’s story well and gives good insight to her feelings. You can improve this poem by adding movement to your syllabic pattern. Whereas you had a constant 8-line format going throughout the poem, the critiqued version shows how changing that format with the use of varying syllabic lines can improve the rhythm and add spice to your poem.

The first two original lines had a nice beat. I split them into four lines in order to emphasize that beat by emphasizing the important words in the lines. Namely, Jumping, Skipping, Suddenly, and Something. Notice how natural the words flow off your tongue as if they were meant to be where they are. Also notice the short 4-syllable line pattern was broken up with a 3-syllable line before reaching verse 2.

With the exception of lines 1 and 5, verse 2 continues the 4-syllable pattern. I transposed the order of the words she thought in order to bring the reader back to the brown she format you’d established in verse 1 line 3 (Line 7 in the Critiqued version.)

The virtual 4-syllable pattern continues in verse 3 with the exception of lines 5 and 6. I changed the word made to schemed because the hard c sound in schemed coincided with the hard c in the word scared at the end of line 1 and schemed is a more powerful word than the word made. Since this is an important moment in the poem, it’s better to emphasize it using a stronger verb. I also changed the phrase she gave a to gave it a flick because the latter phrase is more specific. Verse four takes on a whole new form as far as the syllabic pattern is concerned which is great since the poem climaxed when Jenny flicked the grasshopper in verse three and began to descend when the grasshopper hopped away in the top of verse 4. The syllabic line changes denote Jenny’s relief to be rid of the bug and back to jumping rope.

Silly Mommy
December 29, 2006

Privacy Notice to visitors: Please be aware that third-party vendors, such as Google, may use cookies at this website in order to promote ads based on user experience. Currently, Google uses a cookie called DART so that Google, as well as its partners, may promote ads based on visits to this website, as well as other internet websites. Users preferring not allow Google, or other third-party advertisers, to use DART cookies to promote ads while visiting this, or other internet websites and blogs, may opt out of the use of cookies. Users choosing to opt out of DART cookies may do so at the advertising opt-out page. Users may opt of third-party cookies, in general at the Network Advertising Initiative opt-out page.